I have written and re-written this post. I had planned on publishing it last week. I didn’t.
Did I get busy?
Yes, yes I did.
Getting a young lady packed and out the door for college takes busy to new heights, but was that really the problem?
No, no it wasn’t.
The reality is that every time I tried to pull meandering and mournful thoughts into something cohesive I turned into a snot-ball of tears. I kept wanting to find something really helpful to say. Surely there was a fix to my pain, a lesson I could learn and share, a word of encouragement to offer. There was just one problem. I couldn’t put it into words.
Cindy + Lack of Words = Never Happens
Doc is grateful for this blog. If “ya’ll” didn’t let me word-vomit on these pages he’d be stuck with it all. So what was my problem? All of you have always been such good listeners.
Repeatedly I’d sit in front of my computer. My thoughts would swirl. Eventually they forced my fall from the tree and here’s the news flash…
I didn’t land on my feet.
I landed in what could be best described as a pit of sorrow and to my surprise I had no words for it. I still don’t have words to describe what this crazy girl means to me and the rest of our family.
Her departure leaves such a hole.
Would a few photographs help explain?
Six Months
Always the fish—we never guessed she’d grow up to be a life guard.
I can still hear her voice as she headed to work this summer, “I’m off to save lives Ma!”
Five
The twinkle in her eyes prophesied the shine in her heart.
Who knew that over time the greatest shine would come from a heart full of compassion for others.
Eight
We couldn’t have guessed that the Tom-Boy stage would stick.
I guess being sandwiched between brothers and surrounded by boy cousins does that to a girl.
Fourteen
Haiti through her 14 year old eyes was nothing short of wonder.
Jr. High
Her eighth grade graduation party quickly turned into a high school graduation party.
I wish I’d understood it would feel more like four days instead of four years.
High School
And then there were the activities…
The number of pics one could post of activities for the Missus could enter into the gazillions.
Who cares? The activities never really mattered. Being with her, watching her grow, seeing her develop God-given gifts…THAT mattered.
Friend
Always there to share a laugh with big brother.
Ever the encourager and proud big sis’.
Three on the tree with Dad. A cherished daughter.
The girl I potty trained, scolded, held, cheered, reminded, pushed, believed in
has become the woman I admire, adore, respect, hope for and call…
FRIEND.
As I scroll through these pics I think I figured out the reason this post was so hard to write. There is no fix. The hole won’t go away. I can’t do anything about it and I’m not supposed to. But there’s good news.
There’s always good news in God’s Kingdom.
The feeling of loss-closed chapter-we’ll never get this back hurts so bad for one reason only. It was glorious. The mess, the tears, the hard stuff, the good stuff it was all remarkable. The loss felt from that closed chapter is the surest sign that it was a good one——–a really good one. And for that, I’m giving thanks.
But there’s more.
I don’t have to settle for sweet memories and reminiscing to pacify pain. No way. God is too generous for that. I have a promise and I’m clinging to it:
“You’ll see it with your own eyes— all those painful partings turned into reunions! God’s Promise.” Zephaniah 3:20 MSG
If it’s true that pictures say 1,000 words than Doc is safe for tonight. My word quota has been met. You took it in the shorts for him. I’m certain He thanks you.
{I hope that today, or sometime over the three day weekend, you’ll hop over to Suzie Eller’s #live free space. You’ll find many more stories from other women about “fixing”. I know you’ll be blessed!}
Your DoAhead Friend,
Tears! I’m approaching this closed chapter with my daughter. I love this, “The loss felt from that closed chapter is the surest sign that it was a good one——–a really good one. And for that, I’m giving thanks.”! It’s so true and how I hope I will get through knowing that the next phase is exactly what is suppose to happen and what I have always wanted for my children…healthy, joyful, independent, God-fearing adults! LOVE lady! Love!
Call me in a year…I’d consider it an honor to be your shoulder to cry on. 🙂
I’m right there with you. My youngest just started college this fall and it has been a challenge for me. He and I were super close and it’s been a challenge to except this new phase but by God’s grace I’m working it out. Thanks for sharing!
Oh Sis! It’s hard. I agree…”but by God’s grace”!
I LOVE this post. The pics say it all. What a beautiful human being you’ve raised and are now launching into the world to make her mark.
So glad to “see” you friend! What a treat to hear from everyone in #livefree again. 🙂
Awe Cindy, thank you for expressing my feelings too in such perfect way! Missing Ellie terribly and then adjusting to the whole “empty nester” feelings! Feels like I have been forced to retire! What a pure joy to raise children even though it is so difficult sometimes. Miss Tay is such a beautiful sole and you have done well! We both can look forward to that first trip home and hear all the stories!!! I CAN’T WAIT! 🙂
I know! The pics on social media are not enough and I promised myself to let the little girl fly! How hard it is not to call! Hang in there!
Oh Cindy, how is it you can write the words my heart can’t find? I’m past the packing up for college days but that hole lingers. No, I am watching my once precious babies go off and start families of their own. My beautiful daughter just gave birth to my first grandchild. Watching her and her husband navigate these first months has been a joy! In just about a month, my son is about to wait at the alter for his bride to join him. These are happy times so why are they also leaving momma holes in my heart? Guess it’s always hard to close out chapters. But you said it perfectly, God is generous and I am going to wait expectantly for the writing of our new chapters! Thanks again for sharing your wisdom, Cindy
It’s such a journey isn’t it. Truly, literally, I thank God for the strength to navigate it! So very glad you stopped by. 🙂
Oh, momma!!! Tears and prayers for you, sweet friend! #livefreeThursday
Hold on to that Life Preserver! It sounds as though you’ve done that over the years, raising such a sweet daughter and enjoying a close, meaningful relationship. A blessing for certain. Several of my friends are paddling down the same stream as you, releasing their precious ones. You gals are certainly making me stop and think, as my “little” guy spreads wings in two years. Praying God’s best for you and your daughter while neighboring at #livefreeThursday.
Enjoy the next two years…they go so fast! So glad you stopped!
Judging by these photos, she is one amazing lady; pretty, good heart, smart. You must be one proud momma (as if it’s not obvious, right? ;))
I hope you find new hobbies or anything that can entertain you so you won’t feel as empty.
I wish her all the best in her milestone.
Oh Lux you are so sweet! The good news is that the opportunities to write and speak continue to grow. I believe that is where God is taking me. God truly cares about our lives—-right down to the last detail. No one fills holes better than He! Hope you have a fantabulous day! 🙂